I hurt my back one day at work and when you work for a warehouse the first thing they do for an injury is send you to the doctor. Not out of concern for your well being, but to administer the drug test to see if they can remove themselves from the liability of paying you while you’re injured. Why else would they administer a urine screening for a muscular back strain when lifting heavy things was what I was hired to do? Keri was the nurse who administered the test and Keri was cute. Keri was a few years older than me, a few inches shorter than me, and was dressed in those sexy hospital scrubs. My approaching Keri was not out of love or lust but merely out of the necessity to not let the ‘line’ go to waste.
Keri was not the overseer of my first drug screening, as I had hurt myself like this before. She was however, the first one in which I was allowed to watch. After handing her the cup I was not excused from the room. Keri, myself and another nurse stood there and watched my test turn the appropriate shade of a drug-free color. While this was happening the three of us began to talk. The talk was not overly flirtatious but there were some hints. The talk went on for a few minutes until the test was concluded and I was dismissed. No over the top signals from any party were expressed so I proceeded to make my exit. There are several steps to checking out of a doctor’s office and along the way I noticed several other cute nurses but all banter-less. The final step was the return appointment that I needed to have before I could return to work which was made and then I left.
As I drove off I was left to myself to assess the situation. I thought about all of the nurses and which one I was going to ask out when I returned. Then it dawned on me… a wonderfully obscure, but a uniquely me, way to ask a girl out but it could only be Keri. I even went to a friend of mine at work, a man we affectionately called ‘Pappy’ or ‘Slappy’ or ‘Slap-Pap,’ and proposed the line and the situation to him. He smiled and said “Only you J… only you.” But I had to hope that she would be there on the day of my return.
I did not see Keri in the office when I went back but I have to admit, because I wasn’t completely smitten with her, I started to forget what she looked like. I knew vaguely who to search for. I could rule out the blondes, the taller nurses, the ones with curly hair, etc. but couldn’t say for sure who I was looking for which made the task more difficult. The doctor cleared me to resume normal work duties and again I was on my way to the check-out window. I asked the nurses behind the desk about Keri and if she was working, not thinking how embarrassed I would be if she was in fact one of them and I didn’t know it. This was not the case; Keri was working but was in another room. At my request, one of the nurses went to fetch her. I was relieved to, upon her arrival, recognize her. I motioned to her to join me in the hall as I said it was “kind of a personal matter.” She followed me up the hall a few steps but I had to stop as I realized that to get the desired privacy; we would have to travel to an uncomfortable distance so I stopped and turned to her and asked,
“Do you remember me?”
She nodded in the affirmative. “Yeah you were in her last week.”
“So you remember giving me a drug test, yes?” I was stalling for my moment.
“Yeah.” She replied. “You passed!” She said with sarcastic excitement. And here was the moment I had been anticipating for a week. I hoped I could quote myself exactly as I had it already worded perfectly.
“So, my question for you is…” I made sure and put plenty of simple drama behind the line. “Would something as intimate as handling my urine, prevent you from seeing me in a social situation… possibly a date?” I watched in the next few seconds, as her confusion turned to the realization that she had just been asked out. She looked at me and smiled. She paused before she could say anything; I’m sure pondering what she had just heard. I could tell, as her flattered smile met my smile of smugness, that this was quite an interesting experience for her, being as caught off guard as she was.
“I’m… in a relationship right now. But that was cute. I’ve never been asked like that before.”
“So it’s the relationship that prevents you from seeing me, not the urine?” The smiles continued.
“That’s correct.” She replied. “Otherwise I would.”
At this point I gave her my obligatory “no worries,” and “just thought I’d ask’s” and made for the door. I couldn’t stop smiling as I drove off. Partially because of how successful that endeavor was that for the rest of my life, I can say that I asked a girl out using the word ‘urine’ and didn’t get slapped and partially because I imagine her telling this story as much as I do. It really was a special moment for both of us, even though it ended where it did. Part of me was more interested in using the line than I was in Keri, but the larger part of me wanted Keri to say yes and continue the urine conversation.
